Gastronomy

I don't know what this meal is, or where it's going
it isn't what I asked for. I don't know why it's here.
A meal so strange... this is not the nine o'clock news.
I didn't even know I was hungry, and yet,
here is a feast, without familiar foods,
and I'm not sure which fork to pick up next.

What I forgot is we don't have to move
but can enjoy the main as an everlasting sweet,
ever-surprising and unexpected,
never going near dessert.
We will not dare discuss dessert.
And then the main can remain, remain,
timeless, unending, and exactly what we needed to eat.

I wrote this a while ago, forgot I had it in my drafts list. I didn't quite know what to do with it or whether it should ever see the light of day. It comes from a pretty confusing time in my past, something I was reflecting on, long after the events unfolded.

I think the time is right that it gets published now. The main meal goes on. The dessert, never even considered. The line, never even approached, let alone crossed. Friendship is a wonderful thing, and I am so incredibly grateful for it, unexpected though its arrival was.

Sometimes we over-think things. I over-thunk it at the time, terribly, and wondered at my friend's motives, couldn't understand how someone would have so much time for me without expecting "more", and if I'm honest, I was expecting that would happen, and dreading the time that the "more" would come up in conversation, because I'd have to shut it down and hurt someone badly.

It never did come up. And I am so honestly, incredibly grateful, and so thankful to keep calling this person my friend, a friend who knows me inside and out and just knew never to push that agenda. Thank you.

Oh, horror

I started another work. (Kill me now.)

I don't know whether it's because I'm some kind of disturbed creature, but I can't get my head away from the idea of a character who is an abuse survivor but ultimately sort-of ok. I think that's some kind of abomination to be truthful... not to mention appropriating someone else's culture*

*inb4 someone begins to yell that abuse is not a culture, I'm quite sure that people could get just as righteously angry at an author telling a story that isn't "theirs" to tell.

I've also wanted to write about a sex worker for a long time. In this novel that I began to plan, the sex worker isn't even the main character, it's her mother. There are so many works sensationalising sex work - or painting it as a world of drug addiction and exploitation - I wanted to write a character who does it because the work suits her. These people do exist. It's true that the lure of drugs is a tough thing to ignore in that industry, but sex workers are not all cookie-cutter broken human beings devoid of aspirations or personal strength.

Also, the main char is going to be cold. Heartless. Ruthless. This might be a difficult sell, I'm not sure. I'd like her to be a char who soldiers on despite it all and carefully cherry-picks her battles, displaying an uncanny head for life and for business in general, right from very young. Sure, we have a thousand books emerging right now of the superstar female who don't need any man... but this one, she is not a bitch who steps on people to get to the top, she is just a girl who goes after what she wants and uses brains to get it. I think I'll need to re-read some Jackie Collins, the true master of strong female protagonists.

It Occurred To Me

...that I haven't told you about Lee.

Lee is a character who really excites me. He has virtually begun to write his own story. I pitched it to my 18-year-old daughter and she is quite excited by him as well, so I already have a beta reader when I finish putting him to paper (or to computer, as the case may be).

His story is a coming-of-age, and I had originally planned for it to be teen fiction. Lee grows up with no interest in girls and has thus concluded that he is gay. But the plot thickens, because he begins dating a really cute guy, yet when it gets down to things and despite all his lusty drooling, he's too scared to sleep with him and just "can't perform". He then falls in Love (capital L) with his best friend, a girl, despite the fact that her body does absolutely nothing for him - Lee is not gay but pansexual (attracted to beautiful minds) and the story is his awakening as he grows up. I don't believe it's been done-to-death, and "accepting that I am gay" has already been done in teen fiction. I wanted something not done-to-death, and poor pansexual people are the forgotten race, so to speak, lost in the shadows of all the gay coming-out stories.

However, I'm wavering on the category now (teen), because a key plot point is Lee ending up in bed with that girl, and this is when the real confusion hits and he questions whether he's actually gay. (Stay with me.) Interestingly, the mechanics of that scene have played out in my head many, many times, always really explicit despite not wanting to write porn, and it is the reason for the conundrum - you can't be explicit in teen fiction. So, I'm thinking that I will try to address it by not getting down to mechanics. Which is difficult, because it is Lee's physical reactions (ahem) that lead him to question his orientation, both with the cute boyfriend and with the girl.

My wavering about that one, pivotal scene has caused me to come to a dead stop in my planning. I should just keep writing - put the rest of the bones in place. But I stopped and tried to do that scene in my head a thousand times and then lost momentum. And then went back to writing more of Lisa's story (Mistaken Identity, working title).

I will come back to you, Lee.

It's Oh So Quiet

In here at least. I've been working on new blogs, like this one and this one and this one. But I've also been doing a little bit of writing now and then, so I'm updating this blog to tell you about it.

I sat down in December-ish with a pretty short romance novelette to do some research into how these things are constructed. And as I read this book, I checked off items in "the formula". Yes, we've been through this before - published authors often argue that there isn't a simple formula which holds the secret to being published, but quite frankly, that's a load of rubbish. Take a look at any of the submission guidelines for romance publishers and the formula is spelled out in black and white. For example:

30,000-50,000 words, must have a strong female lead and love interest, story must begin with a conflict, include at least three bedroom scenes featuring safe sex, end with a HEA (happily ever after).

It reads exactly as a formula because that's exactly what it is. It is a tried-and-true method they've used umpteen times in a row to churn out their mass-market offerings month after month. But despite what glowing things might seem to be in store for an author accepted by these publishers, the reality is this: your advance will be three figures, and that's IF your lotto numbers come up and they sign you, and that's probably all you will ever see. For months of your hard work. You will effectively lose the rights on your work forever (read the fine print - you can virtually never regain the rights because they can simply release it digitally in Swahili and that re-starts the waiting period all over again - seriously, they'll do it). The royalties they state will be nothing like what you'll receive because they have sub-companies under sub-companies paying 5c per copy of the book and your 12% royalty will come out of that five cents. Your book will be marketed with a huge chunk of the publisher's branding all over the cover, in text far larger than your name - because let's face it their pretty graphics and their publishing house matters and you, the author, do not. Your book will have a literal shelf life of six weeks. That's how long it will be on supermarket shelves and on the front page of their ebook site before they shove it aside for the next book.

Sound enticing? Dear dog, I sincerely hope not.

There's also the matter of what the works themselves are. It is easy to say that they're trash because a reader with a brain will be able to identify the elbows of the work (the formula). It takes you out of the story when you're thinking to yourself that the girl is only arguing with him because they needed a conflict in the first chapter and that it's all part of the formula. It spoils what could have otherwise been a well-written story. You already know that the two main characters will end up together, happily.

I, personally, do not want to know what happens in the end of a book before I read it - why read it?

And I am not going to bash romance writers here. They are good writers. These, after all, were the ones selected while thousands were rejected. They are by definition the cream of the crop in the romance world, and even if their works conform to the shape of the cookie cutter and can be "seen through" they are still very good, technically, at the craft they do.

Anyway, back to the reason for the post - deconstructing the book. For not-the-first-time I was examining all these aspects and thinking I could write one. I started, by reading and writing in parallel. As things happened in the published book I wrote my versions. Absolutely not plagiarism - I am talking about structure not anything identifiable! -so for example, in the first chapter I introduced the main character and her home life, spelled out why she is single, showed her vulnerabilities (part of the formula).

So I continued. I had written my synopsis and fleshed out the characters. Six thousand words in, so, by now the characters had met and were hell-bent on never getting together.

And then it happened. That worm. Writers will know about that worm. It is the idea that worms its way in and refuses to be put off. In my case, the worm was that the main character has a stalker. An actual, valid reason to be worried about locking doors (which was her vulnerability). I wrote the stalker into the plot so far. I didn't want the reader to know who the stalker was.

I realised that to get my HEA, the stalker had to be someone either benign or arrested and locked up at the end of the book while the hero keeps her safe. How terribly trite. I couldn't bring myself to do it. Not to mention boring - damsel is in distress, hero steps in, she eventually allows him to love her, blah blah blah. No. Not going to do it.

And so the trashy novel has become a thriller. Hero's point-of-view chapters have been obliterated and the entire book will be written from the main character's point-of-view. Which is definitely more difficult. I can no longer have the hero's character shaped by his thoughts - she will need to witness all his "character quirks" so that the reader can understand the sort of person he is. But it has the added bonus that the reader will not know whether he is the bad guy.

I've put the first 1000 words up onto Wattpad, and we shall see if I get any feedback. I hope that readers aren't too bored.

The Disappearance of Elisa

I know I have been very scarce, but there's a good reason. Well, partly it's that I have taken on more than I can possibly do right now, but I've also been attending a writing course (with lots of homework).

There is so much to writing that I just didn't know about. It's fascinating.

And I found out that the next course is on English grammar. I am pretty excited about that (I know that my grammar is lacking). We'll see whether it actually improves my writing at all ;)

It's my blog

so I can be a showoff. I got 10/10 for the "Letters to the Editor" essay. So there.
:)

We had another writing exercise in class, where we had to describe a market preparing to open for the day. Here's mine. (It only got 9/10... but not bad for being done in 30 minutes flat.)

While the small children still slumbered, the marketplace had awakened. The vendors hastened to unfold their wares, takeaway coffees forgotten and rapidly chilling in the refrigerated air. Those acquainted with rushed their hellos, seemingly unwilling to waste precious breath on exhaled fog. And intertwined with the click of the tables unfolding, the crisp call of the mynah birds cut through the courtyard.

As the sunrise crested upon the soldiers, the hubbub and haste ascended in a crescendo of anticipation. Doughnuts and croissants invaded the nostrils of the advancing shoppers, teasing and cajoling and battling for their attention and purses. The keenest of these explorers ignored the flustered stall keepers, undeterred by dirty looks and unpacked boxes, pawing through stockpiles still in disarray, querying and haggling and haranguing at will.

And finally the main gates opened, signalling 7am and trumpeting the call to arms, as families and dealers flooded in and launched themselves violently at the market at large.

Since this is a writing blog,

I figure that it's fair game to post my first English AS-Level essay. We had to write two "letters to the editor", one for and one against a new development in an area of natural beauty. Not perfect, but here they are anyway.

Sir,
I read with frustration your recent article regarding the new development at Ellesville Ridge ("Elles-Full Ridge", September 8th). The assertion that "Ellesville’s environment will struggle under the weight of 4,000 new residents" is not only misleading but a misrepresentation of what the Ellesville Ridge development will encompass.
Ellesville Ridge is a planned development of 1,100 new building blocks, plus various essential services. Population modelling indicates we will see about 2,900 new residents, not 4,000. The first release is for 450 blocks, expected to cater to 1,100 residents. It will include a sports field, a shopping precinct, a medical centre, a library and a primary school.
All of these are services which Ellesville desperately needs. It is expected that many current town residents will take advantage of the new services up on the ridge. The current school, with overflowing playgrounds and inadequate buildings, will see enrolment relief as students transfer. The medical centre will improve residents' access to health care and relieve pressure on Ellesville Hospital.
There is no doubt that the natural beauty of the area is an important concern. For this reason, extensive tree-planting will be required by all new residents, and house footprints will be restricted to one-third of the block space, ensuring that the area remains green. These are detailed in Council's Master Plan, available for viewing in Ellesville Town Hall.
It is, of course, prudent to question how much this will cost. However, it is unfair and inaccurate to paint the Ellesville Ridge development as a drain on the public purse. The development is largely being financed by private enterprise and the only buildings funded by Council will be the library and sports field. The Ellesville Ridge Development will bring much-needed services, businesses and tax revenue into an area suffering from high unemployment. Rather than struggling, Greater Ellesville will flourish as we welcome new residents and services to our area.
John Chapman, Counsellor for South Ward,
Ellesville Council


Sir,
Thank you for your excellent piece on the upcoming Ellesville Ridge development ("Elles-Full Ridge", September 8th). It's about time that someone spoke up about just how many problems this folly will cause.
Nobody seems to be interested in the nature trail, which will be destroyed to make way for the sports field. Ellesville already has a sports field which is rarely used, and the nature trail has lovely birds and plants which will disappear overnight. Not only that, the planned shopping strip will see the demolition of existing homes. Why bulldoze houses just to put in ugly supermarkets and fast food restaurants?
In addition, it’s unbelievable that the question of water has not come up. Not only is the Ellesville River inadequate to supply the new residents, the Sewer Treatment Plant will be overwhelmed in heavy rain, resulting in overflows. The fact that we haven’t had a complete failure in eight years is just luck; with 4,000 new residents we can look forward to regular catastrophe. As for drinking water, Council's "compulsory rainwater tank" rule won’t solve the problem. Many of us already have rainwater tanks which collect rust all year, as we prefer the clean, pressurised water from the kitchen tap. A rainwater tank is just another white elephant.
And what will it all cost? Council claims it will be paid for externally, but where are the billionaires stepping in to foot the bill? I fear that Council will be left holding the baby, and with good reason. We all saw what happened to Riverview, when blocks sat unsold for years, the exorbitant cost becoming a millstone for their necks.
Ellesville is a tourist attraction for good reason. It’s a quiet, tree-lined community offering a unique, old-style experience. Main Street is what attracts people to our town. We're known for our gift shops, towering oak trees and boutique accommodation. The crowds of new residents will bring demand for "big city" convenience and loss of identity - convenience stores and hamburger shops will destroy the ambience of the area. With many retirees and low-income families, the town is ill-equipped to bankroll such grotesque assaults on taxpayer funds. Turning our beautiful Ellesville into a metropolis will be an albatross.
Deidre Blacksmith,
Ellesville

I did something silly

...and I looked at the bestseller list for adult short stories. Apparently nothing is taboo. This might mean that there's a possible home for some of the shelved short stories that I wrote nine years ago (I recently had them pulled from the website where they originally appeared). I was hesitant to release them because, erm, I suppose I feel like "real" authors don't write about creepy relationships or situations. But I've grown a little in the past nine years, and have come to accept that this was merely my own prejudice and there are people who want to read about those subjects.

I am cleaning them up and choosing which ones deserve to be released.

I still can't bring myself to release "naughty" work under my own name. I could pretend it's about protecting my identity in regards to risqué work, but the truth of the matter is, I'm still not convinced that I'm a good enough writer. Despite the reviews I've had to the contrary. In a way, I suppose I'm waiting for an accidental hit under my pen name to give me the confidence to release as myself.

Time will tell. :)

I'm writing, and I'm in my stride.

I think I found a way to un-shelve that book. I know, right? Call the papers.

The one that didn't have a >>reason<< and didn't have a plan or a direction. I think I found one. It still doesn't have a climax, but I think it'll be much easier. Life doesn't come with an instruction manual, either, and we still consider it worth doing. You know what that means... it means I'll need to put it back on the sidebar as a work-in-progress.

I also got my second erotic short out this week, and in a few days' time I will do the final edit on the third and prep it for release. Phew. I've been more organised than, like, ever. Something must be wrong! ;)

It feels nice to have some purpose. To be busy.

On "Failure" (and Procrastination)

I think I'm the master procrastinator. If you think I'm joking, then my book list should allay any doubts.

I am also the master of not-finishing-anything. But it has occurred to me of late that not every unfinished book is a failure.

Take Work Two (Ana). I spent a great deal of time developing that story, the downtrodden girl destined for greatness. It is immensely clichéd in theory, but the way she was to get to the destination I had hoped was unique. I am certainly yet to hear of another book that describes a character with the same attitudes and values as hers.

And yet, despite the weeks of effort I put into that, it was going nowhere. The storytelling just wasn't engaging with the reader. It was painful, but I eventually shelved it, knowing that until the twist or new character spoke to me, it was pointless continuing with drivel. Shelving hurts - at the time I always assume it will be forever, so even if the shelving turns out to be temporary, it can sometimes make me feel a little sad.

Even so, all was not lost. It was writing Work Four's outline that I realised the idea was familiar, and so Work Two's premise could be used. (I know I've mentioned this before but stay with me.)

The point is... time spent writing is never wasted. Shelving a book is not the end. Accepting a work's limitations is not failure. It is a learning process, and we are growing as writers. It could be said that the secret to good writing is in what gets thrown out.

In my procrastination for today, I stumbled on a blog I'm loving. Oh, I hate what the blogger has to say and I hate her genre. What can I say, I'm opinionated. But it stirred me into writing today, and into updating this blog. Twice. You only see one new post, but that's because I posted something else and queued it for later.

Even annoyance can be a tool. Including being annoyed at your own work. See?

(Ever the procrastinator, I don't think I'll post this... just yet.)

Excuses

I have had a stressful couple of days in MeatSpace™ (otherwise known as "the real world") and it has impacted on my ability to focus. Or I should say, my willingness to just sit down and write. I haven't written much lately anyway, and it is causing ants in the pants - I am seeking out distractions, getting bogged down in time-waster websites and doing pretty much anything rather than open my word-processor.

So far I've only gotten one chapter done today, and it was a chapter I didn't want to write, although it is surprisingly acceptable work.

And then, boom, I'M OUTTA THERE, can't bear to look for which chapter I should do next.

The distraction thing (read: playing instead of working) has been an issue for a long time. There is a shiny new android netbook on its way to me, by definition not as exciting as the desktop with the mouse and more distractions, and I want to dedicate time daily to writing, by picking up the netbook and physically removing myself from this desk. Fingers crossed.

The Sentinel

The sentinel stood as he always had, tall and watchful and white. But somehow now the gloss had fallen, his once-proud wings no longer glinting in the sun. The furrowed brow and sorrowed eyes cast over his battlefield, ever-vigilant, but pride now waning.

He had been the lauded one, the saviour boy, the golden angel breathing life. The rapture, the joy! - oh how he remembered! And then bitterly, from atop his pedestal, had he endured the turning of the crows. The taunts, the vile words, where once he had heard only lovesongs.

But still, and more, he endures stock-still, ever-rendering services required, fulfilling canon, exceeding grades. And thankless yet his back stands tall, while his worshippers flock to his adversaries, declaring him wanting and unwanted.

image: FreeDigitalPhotos.net

Why your competitors are not your competitors

...huh? What's she smoking? If I have a small business, anyone else doing the same job is likely to steal my customers, right?

Not quite. If you're selling vacuum cleaners, that might be correct, because most homes will choose between the available brands of vacuum cleaners and only select one.

But the internet is full of "want" items these days, not just "need" items. Games, brands, books. Art in general. In the case of books, don't assume that another author is a threat. For indie authors in particular, >>other indie authors can be your greatest early resource<<.

I've highlighted that sentence so that you'll now go back and read it again. (Go on. I'll wait for you here.)

You see, they too understand how it is when your fabulous work is obscure, unknown and nobody's talking about it. And I don't care who you are or how super-special-awesome your writing is, in the beginning you're sitting in a black hole. Until you have some good reviews and people are talking about it and >>doing the marketing for you<<, your book is the one buried under the piles of manure and gold that have flooded the market.

Did you see that second sentence highlighted? We would all love that. People with names like J K Rowling or Stephen King, their names are so well-known that with the slightest push, people run with it. They Facebook it or tweet it or Google+ it or talk about it on the phone to their cousin Sam. Nobody's doing that with your book, unless you do the pushing. If you're lucky you'll blab on about your book until you are hoarse, typing and posting and social networking until your fingers are sore, and then you'll sell... four books. Per year.

Most of us like to work alone. Most of us didn't write the book in collaboration, so we have an obsession with guarding our baby and controlling how it's marketed. Fine. But you know what? Instead of two individuals self-marketing two books independently, with everyone using two hours a day of marketing work, you could simply do one hour, then reshare the posts of the other author and they do the same for you. Then read the their book and review it, and they do it for you.

It seems at first as if you're merely cutting your own marketing in half and helping someone else take your customers. Right? Right? But that's assuming readers only buy ONE book.

>>Readers do not only buy one book<<.

There is no guarantee they will buy your book plus the other author's. But that doesn't matter. You have doubled your exposure because all their followers see your post (and vice-versa). Even better, reviews are critical. And you now have one.

Imagine the possibilities if you move on to the next author?

Indie authors... look after each other and you will be looking after yourself. When another author reshares your post, jump on it. It's an opportunity to cement a link that can work for both of you. When a reader or follower reshares your post, make a point of going and saying thank you. Spend five minutes (only five minutes!) reading their other posts. Interact. You are building a fan club.

If you don't even bother to thank these people, are you sure they'll support you?

>>Your fan club are your paying customers<<.